dissatisfaction

There is truly nothing new under the sun! Shakespeare knew just how I'm feeling today and wrote it down a few hundred years ago.



SONNET 29
When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;

Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

This man's art, that man's scope, with what I most enjoy contented least!!!

I have a friend who is editing a book as well as starting her own business, another with a thriving new business, another just finisheing EMT training - a radical change from her past life as a homeschooling mom. All these women are my age, have raised families, and are now starting something new.

I am jealous. I am "contented least" with the fact that I still have 13 more years of homeschooling ahead of me. I have a high school graduate and one about to enter kindergarten! This is exactly what I have always "most enjoyed", but today I am discontent.

And, no offense to my dear husband, no earthly consolation seems to be doing the trick today.

I need to remind myself that in the end nothing will satisfy - that I could trade one life for another, one career for another, one husband for another, one face for another, but none would ever really quench my thirst for significance, for love, for esteem. We are destined to spend our earthly lives in a longing which is never quite fulfilled, always elusive, always in the bush but never in the hand.

Long before Shakespeare the writer of Ecclesiastes felt the same angst.

"The eye is not satisfied with seeing, Nor is the ear filled with hearing. . . .

All a man's labor is for his mouth and yet the appetite is not satisfied. . .

For what does a man get in all his labor and in his striving with which he labors under the sun? Because all his days his task is painful and grievous;

Even at night his mind does not rest.

This too is vanity. "

And, of course, we all know what the Rolling Stones said about satisfaction. . . .

Sooooo. . . . .

"The conclusion, when all has been heard, is:

Fear God and keep His commandments,

because this applies to every person."