be careful what you wish for

What am I feeling this morning?? Foolish? Chagrined? I feel like a character from Grimm's Fairy Tales who did not heed the dark warning, "Be careful what you wish for."

I have been glibly detailing all I don't like about where I live, bemoaning the fact that I am not able to change the course of my life and do something "new and exciting" at this point. And then I find that Someone has been reading my blog (my mind? my heart?).

My life has turned upside down in the last week. And if that sounds like a cliche just wait. There's more. "You can't take it with you" has been running in circles through my head as well. Because it looks like we're moving to Malaysia this fall.

I, who have always thought that "tropical paradise" was an oxymoron am going to be living 200 miles from the equator for the next two years. We are leaving all I LOVE about rural northern New England for city living without central air. While I will not be starting my own business, I will be learning to drive on the other side of the road in horrific traffic. While I will not be going to law school I will be learning how to live in a completely foreign culture with five children. While I won't be taking that longed for trip to Europe, I will be within striking distance of Japan, Thailand, India, Bangladesh, Burma and Indonesia.

Man proposes, God disposes. Last fall my husband began praying about a family missions trip - three weeks, we thought would be a good amount of time. Now we have 20 months! My 15 year old daughter confessed to me yesterday that she had been praying for God to send her some hard things in her life to increase her faith and dependence on Him. I don't think this is what ANY of us had in mind, but it certainly looks like the wood has come to Dunsinane hill.

I may write sometime about how God confirmed to us that we should go - sieze the day and the opportunity, but today I am not able to settle my thoughts long enough to do that. I am scared to death, but I am also excited, I guess. I have a thousand things to do before August and I know there are a thousand more I do not even realize yet.

A question I have been frequently asked in my life is, "Did you always want a big family?" I always answer, "No, I wasn't sure I wanted any children at all. But God knew the true desires of my heart and gave them to me." I trust now that He still knows the heart of my heart - the part I may not even know, and He will give me what is best. One of my favorite Scriptures says it is the goodness of God that leads us to repentance, and it has always been so in my life. His unfailing grace in the past makes it easy to trust that this will be a good thing in my life. But it's going to be hot.