I received a wonderful message from an old friend a while ago. He is someone who has walked ahead of us on the road of international adoption. His words spoke deeply to me, since I know his family has suffered mnay hardships through their obedience to God's calling in their lives. He has experienced many of the things I prayed against as we pursued what we believed to be God's call to adopt. Some of his words were, "My prayer is that you will abide in Him, for He is near! When you feel as though you have nowhere to turn, He is there. When you feel as though no one understands, be reminded that He has walked that same road. When it seems like you aren't sure you can continue past this very moment, invite Him into that single moment and allow Him to walk with you into the next. He will prove faithful...to you, to the girls, and to His purpose. The funny thing is, His purpose may not be about you or the girls, but it will always be about Him, and that is sobering, at least to me."

It was the last sentence that struck me most. That truth about the purposes of God.
Because I, like many well-meaning adoptive parents have wondered many times what our adopting A and G would mean. I have wondered, "Why do we have these particular two children? What great things will come of this huge change in their lives? What will they become? Perhaps," IVe thought, "one day A will be a doctor or G will be a teacher and they will return to Ethiopia and help to save their people." (Should we name one of them Esther???) Or, more humble, but still gratifying, "Maybe one of our children will be so moved by their experience that they will do this or that or the other great thing." Surely, I've thought, something wonderful will come of this.


But when I begin to presume on the purposes and plans of God I am reminded of my experience several years ago, when God rather precipitously moved our family to Southeast Asia for most of two years. I remember how much thought I gave to trying to figure out God's purpose in our being there. I remember actually saying to people, "I'm not really sure yet why God has us here," as if it were only a matter of time until either I figured it out, or it God revealed it to me. My questioning was honest, good-hearted, sincere, and ultimately unsuccessful. I don't think we, or at least I, ever got any insight into the big picture. I never gained any understanding of God's intentions for our family's life beyond what I already knew - that He meant for us to do justice, love mercy and walk humbly with Him. (Micah6:8)

Maybe my notion of God' purpose was too narrow. When I was looking for one reason, mayber there were many. Maybe we were there so my children could develop compassion for the world, so we could meet a particular aid worker, for us to help a student finish his education, for us all to see our own culture with different eyes, for countless other reasons I've never thought of and never will. Maybe it was all those things and many more. Maybe it was not really about any of those things.

Maybe God' plans, like His character and being, are so beyond our comprehension that we are foolish and presumptuous to even try to name them. I wrote the first part of this entry months ago, before I encountered the next big fork in the road - my diagnosis of cancer.My friend's words are true in this situation, too. And perhaps I have learned something along the way after all, since I have spent much less time and energy this time trying to figure out what God is doing in my life. I have tried to remember that whatever is going on, it is not really about me. It's about God and His plans. What is required of me, as a steward, is only to be found faithful (I Corinthians 4:2). I don't have to know the plot, I don't have to figure out what God is up to. I only have to be faithful.