daily bread

I was talking with my daughter in Chicago the other night as she was trying to make it to the library before it closed at midnight; it was nearly lunchtime here in KL. She was telling me about things she had been hearing, reading, thinking lately, and she said, "I just love it when everything really starts to come together in my mind, you know?" I do know - that moment when the connections begin to emerge, when thoughts which had seemed disparate and unconnected begin to arrange themselves into a pattern and a bigger picture - maybe still just a sketch - begins to appear. I had one of those moments this morning as I was kneading bread dough.



I was debating whether to double the recipe - it seems to make sense to use the same amount of time and end up with four loaves of freshly baked bread instead of two. It takes no longer to measure ten cups of flour than five, the kneading, rising and baking times are the same, and I have four pans. Besides, my family usually devours two loaves of homemade bread in one sitting so a little backup would be nice. But I decided not to make extra. Homemade bread is so wonderful because it is fresh, because you can eat it while it's still warm and the butter melts while you spread it. Extra loaves are only as good as good bakery bread.



As I kneaded I thought of the Bible story I read my little girls a few nights ago - how the manna from heaven was only good for one day, how it lost its sweetness and freshness if it was hoarded against the morrow, how it must be eaten with faith to be fully appreciated. Then I thought of a note I had just written a friend about how the future looked like a blank screen to me - that I have no idea where I will be a year or two from now after our time in Malaysia is finished. As I turned over the warm dough and forced it down with the heel of my hand I saw how the three threads were woven together - the dough, the manna, my future.



The bread could be made ahead, but I knew it would not be as good, as satisfying, as daily bread would be. The manna was sent not only to provide for the Israelites, but also to teach them their dependence upon God and His absolute faithfulness to them. My unknowable future is not only acceptable, it is actively good for me, it is part of God's love and faithfulness to me. I not only do not need to worry about the next day or week or year, I can trust that what God sends will be better than what I might plan and provide for, had I the opportunity or means or supposed wisdom to do so.



The bread is ready to go in the pans. There will be another waiting time before it is baked, and then we can enjoy it fresh from the oven. I like to think I may enjoy the future fresh from the hand of God, revealed to me at just the right time. It will be worth the wait - I'm sure of it.